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The ultimate marriage advice from the Prophet(SAW)

The Prophet(SAW) taught us everything we need to know about marriage and relationships, both through his own in action and in recorded advice, of which some are captured here:

The best enjoyment in the world

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The world is enjoyment and the best enjoyment in the world is a righteous wife.” [Muslim 1467]

A means of regular charity

Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “What you feed yourself is charity for you, what you feed your children is charity for you, what you feed your wife is charity for you, and what you feed your servant is charity for you.” [Aḥmad 16727]

Open entry to Jannah and Allah’s Pleasure

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.” [Ibn Ḥibbān 4252]

An honour for both parties

Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to another, I would have ordered the wife to prostrate to her husband due to the enormity of his rights over her. A woman will not taste the sweetness of faith until she fulfills the rights of her husband, even if he were to call for her while she is upon a camel’s saddle.” [al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr 20/52]

Anas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, had a Persian neighbour who would make good soup. He made some for the Prophet and then came to invite him. The Prophet said, hadhihi i.e. “And this is my wife, Aisha.” The man said no, so the Prophet said no. The man returned another time and invited him. The Prophet said, “And this is my wife.” The man said no, so the Prophet said no. Then, the man returned another time and invited him. The Prophet said, “And this is my wife.” The man said yes on the third time. The two left together until they arrived at the man’s house. [Muslim 2037]

Al-Nawawi said, “The Prophet disliked attending a special meal without her, for this is among the beauties of married life, the rights of companionship, and the emphasized manners of gathering.” [Sharḥ al-Nawawī ‘alá Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2036]

Apply all your good character at home first

Sometimes we read about the good manner of the Prophet(SAW) and make effort with people we dont know but sometimes forget to make our houses, homes in which spread those same good manners. Of these, we know:

  • The Prophet’s (SAW) most repeated Sunnah was to smile often. So much so that his companions would say they never saw anyone smile more than him. Instead of bombarding your spouse with complaints on first sight, engage them with a smiling face. The Prophet even told us that simple smile is an act of charity.

  • When Ali married Fatimah, the Prophet (peace be upon him) gave him amazing words of advice. Advice so important that the Prophet repeated it three times: “Don’t get Angry”. He didn’t tell him control you anger, but rather don’t get angry in the first place. We get angry at our spouses for the silliest things, from how they squeeze the toothpaste bottle to how they wash the dishes.

  • “My love is guaranteed for two who love one another for My sake”. The Prophet(SAW) would often speak of the great affection he had for his wife Khadijah, saying “Her love was given to me as Rizq”

  • Speak good or keep silent. Positive affirmations and kind words make someone good company. Ibn Assaker narrated that Hazrat Aisha R.A. said that the Prophet ﷺtold her: “Won’t you be pleased to be my wife in this life and in the Hereafter?, I said: “Yes,” he said: “You are my wife in this life and the Hereafter.”

  • The Prophet(SAW) used to read Qur’an with his wives head in his lap, eat from the same plate as them, drank from the same vessel as them and embraced them once in a while.

  • Be grateful: Pay attention to the great things your partner does instead of pointing out the negative.

  • We’re probably all familiar with the story of the man of Jannah. Anas ibn Malik reported: We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said, “Coming upon you now is a man from the people of Paradise.” A man from the Ansar came whose beard was disheveled by the water of ablution and he was carrying both of his shoes with his left hand. The next day the Prophet repeated the same words, and the man came in the same condition. The third day the Prophet repeated the same again, and the man came in the same condition. When the Prophet stood up to leave, Abdullah ibn Amr followed the man and he said, “I am in a dispute with my father and I have sworn not to enter my home for three days. May I stay with you?” The man said yes.

Abdullah stayed three nights with the man but he never saw him praying at night. Whenever he went to bed, he would remember Allah and rest until he woke up for morning prayer. Abdullah said that he never heard anything but good words from his mouth. When three nights had passed and he did not see anything special about his actions, Abdullah asked him, “O servant of Allah, I have not been in dispute with my father nor have I cut relations with him. I heard the Prophet say three times that a man from the people of Paradise was coming to us and then you came. I thought I should stay with you to see what you are doing that I should follow, but I did not see you do anything special. Why did the Prophet speak highly of you?” The man said, “I am as you have seen.” When Abdullah was about to leave, the man said, “I am as you have seen, except that I do not find dishonesty in my soul towards the Muslims and I do not envy anyone because of the good that Allah has given them.” Abdullah said, “This is what you have achieved and it is something we have not accomplished.” [Musnad Aḥmad 12286]

The point is never go to bed angry. This does not mean you stay up and fight all night. Rather, you withdraw, talk to Allah(SWT) and then forgive others, regardless of being upset.

Marriage is 100/100

When there is difference, and there will naturally be, remember that this is a partnership so there won’t be a “winner” and a “loser.” You are partners in everything so you’ll either win together or lose together. Work together to find a solution.

Remember that marriage isn’t 50-50, divorce is 50-50. Marriage has to be 100-100. It’s not splitting everything in half, but both partners giving everything they’ve got!

Never laugh at your wifes choices, because you are one of them

Rather, Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most complete of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are the best in behavior to their women.” [al-Tirmidhī 1162]

Imaam Ahmad bin Hanbal (may the mercy of Allaah be upon him), after the condolence of his wife (Umm al-Saalih) (may the mercy of Allaah be upon her) explained to the people regarding their caring relationship and the secret of their strong relation in a very short statement. After his wife passed away from this world he used to praise her, he said, “By Allaah, I lived with her for 30 years and we did not argue (or had an argument) not even once”.

They asked him, how is this possible or we can say, what was the secret of your strong relation and bond? He replied in a very beautiful manner, “Whenever she used to get upset with me and tried to argue with me, I used to stay quite and whenever I used to get upset with her and tried to argue with her, she used to stay quite.” [Al-Khateeb Al-Baghdaadee, Taareekh Baghdaad, 16:626]

Recognise your differences

Understand that men and women are different in character and expectations. 

Men desire their abilities to be appreciated while women desire their assistance to be appreciated.

When faced with a difficult problem, Men go to their caves and Women talk.

Men tend to talk in a very literal way while women tend to use language more dramatically and artistically.

Men need to feel that their attention is required. Men must express their desire to fulfill their partner’s needs and for her to accept his care. Women- Need to feel that their needs are being accepted and considered.

Both must remember to appreciate, accept, and forgive the other. They must avoid blaming the other when failure occurs.

Men should listen without getting defensive. Plus, women should try and express their feelings without being critical.

This is a partnership of three

There is a funny saying that when you get married, you acquire a whole new family – the in-laws as they are termed. You have a father who becomes the father-in-law and you have a mother and she becomes the mother-in-law . You have a son who becomes the son-in-law, you have a  daughter who becomes a daughter-in-law you. You have  a wife what does she become? She is the law.

Ultimately, the law is Allah(SWT) and the institution of marriage is there to remind us of that. So its important  to make your faith a priority. Pray with each other and for each other. Every marriage is stronger with God in the middle of it. 

An important tip for happy marriage life is managing marital problems by being conscious of Allah. Recognize that relationships have ups and down, and know that Allah placed love and mercy in relationships so that married couples can live life harmoniously together. The best and final advice is always put Allah in the Center of all your relationships.

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