Emotionally intelligent or emotionally incarcerated?

I used to pride myself on being an emotionally intelligent person- I was sensitive, heartfelt and attuned to my surroundings.

I was a deep thinker of life and an avid reflector of myself. I believed I had a gift that allowed me to read people and situations. Every emotion I experienced was intense…I loved passionately and hated fiercely. I was emotionally aware and reactive to every slight change in and around me. A headache meant I was in a bad mood. The rain made me glum. The dishes exasperated me. And well people, they were the cause and effect to my entire existence. I invested my happiness and hopes into people. This, of course, meant I handed to them control over my wellbeing because more often than not, it felt like people stole from my happiness and hopes.

When I cosied up next to my husband on the sofa, I felt loved and safe. But sitting on the same sofa with my husband after an argument, I felt alone and full of resentment. My kids playfully screaming in the garden, would at times make me smile and reminisce fond childhood memories, but other times their “childish” and “immature” antics would drive me to despair.

Friends, family and acquaintances, could one day unite under my banner of love, but the next day, any “stand-offish” behaviour meant they were banished into my emotional no man’s land, only to return once I felt emotionally reconciled with them. Through this gift of emotional attunement, I thought I was able to scour off any possible “threats” to my wellbeing.

But in hindsight, this was not a gift, but a burden which I had created myself. I felt drained from constantly sensing, absorbing and reflecting the emotional states of others. I was no longer a complete whole of myself. I had become a heavy sponge, carrying the thoughts and feelings of every person I met.

It wasn’t until I experienced the mindset transformation that I realised I wasn’t emotionally intelligent at all. I was emotionally exhausted. I was actually a slave to my emotions. I had put so much emphasis on my emotions, I lived blindly through them, but totally oblivious of their origin: my mind.

We put so much emphasis on emotions, we even have a word for a person void of emotions: heartless. But what about being mindless? Being so unaware of your mind and the extraordinary gift of thought. The gift you possess right now and always have. An emotion can never take place without your thought allowing it.

All too often our emotions are like a lost creature, searching for its owner, but searching in all the wrong places- in our external surroundings: in your husband, in your children, in your family and friends. But they are not the owner of your emotions. YOU ARE! Through the power of thought in the present moment we own our feelings, we give life to them through our mind. We are always experiencing our own thinking and no situation or person can cause or is responsible for how you think or feel. Only you are.

Now that my emotions have been reunited with my thoughts, my heart and mind are realigned and in balance. Consequently, my emotions have become more intelligent!

If you would like to comment or discuss anything get in touch with me connect@fahmeedamatin.com – I’d love to hear from you.

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