In the shadows of our grief, as our hearts ache with loss and our minds struggle to make sense of everything, we are confronted with the undeniable reality of life’s fragility. Pain, sorrow, and despair become unavoidable companions on this journey we call life. These emotions, though often unwelcome, are inseparable from our human experience. They serve as poignant reminders of the depth of our love, the importance of our bonds and the fragile nature of our time in this world.
“Tears are words that need to be written.” Paulo Coelho’s words touch my heart with a depth I never fully understood until now, as our family mourns the loss of our cherished uncle, a true pillar of strength and love. As I pen this tribute, reflecting on the profound lessons he imparted, I am driven by a desire to honour his memory and to transform my grief into something meaningful. I hope that by sharing these insights, they may serve as a form of ‘Sadaqah Jariyah’ – a continuous charity that will bring ongoing benefit to him in the next life by inspiring others toward goodness.
My uncle was the youngest of three brothers, and his journey is a testament to his remarkable resilience and devotion. After the loss of their father, he and my father, just 13 and 15 years old, arrived in England in the early 1970s with a heavy burden – one that went far beyond their tender years. In a new land, they faced the challenge of providing for their family back in Bangladesh, with their older brother remaining there to manage the land, crops and care for our ancestral home.
Despite the hardships, my uncle’s work ethic shone through. By his twenties, he became a successful business owner. His success was not just a personal triumph but a beacon of hope and support for our extended family in Bangladesh. He worked tirelessly, providing for his own family of six children and extending his care and support to our relatives back home. His journey was marked by an extraordinary commitment to both his new life and his roots, exemplifying the strength of his character and the depth of his love for family.
In our deep pain, we find comfort in our shared memories of those gone before us.
It is said, the life we live are the lessons we teach others, and my uncle’s life was a testament to this truth. Through his values, actions and character, he taught us invaluable lessons that resonate deeply within us today. This collection of nine life lessons is a tribute to the wisdom he shared and the love he gave, reflecting how he lived with purpose and grace. I hope these reflections not only honour his memory but also guide and inspire others. Even in our darkest moments, there is always a flicker of light – a reminder that we are not alone, it is through our faith that we find the strength to carry on and be a source of goodness for those gone before us.
Lesson 1: Cultivate Strong Family Connections
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “He who severs the ties of kinship will not enter Paradise” (Muslim).
Growing up, family was the cornerstone of our lives. My siblings and cousins were raised under the same roof. I was blessed to have an uncle who was like a second father to me. He and my father instilled within us a deep sense of family unity, teaching us that we weren’t just cousins, we were brothers and sisters, bound by love and duty to one another. Even now, when people ask us about our relationships, we say we are brothers and sisters. This bond has woven itself into the very fabric of our lives, shaping us and reminding us that family is about love, responsibility and an unbreakable connection.
This commitment to family mirrors the teachings of Islam. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasised the importance of family ties, warning that those who severe these bonds will not enter Paradise. The Qur’an also urges us to uphold these connections, highlighting their sacredness and importance in our spiritual and communal lives. My uncle’s example reminded us that maintaining strong family ties isn’t just a tradition, it’s a spiritual obligation that shapes our character and nourishes our communities.
As I reflect on my uncle’s example, I see how his deep commitment to family embodies the Islamic value of maintaining strong family ties. His actions serve as a powerful reminder that when we cherish these bonds, we build the foundation of a caring and compassionate society. The love and togetherness he nurtured in us have become the roots of our strength, guiding us in everything we do. In this, we find the essence of life’s greatest blessing, family, a treasure that must be nurtured and protected with love and care, for it lies at the heart of who we are and without it, life would be a lonely journey.
Lesson 2: Be Gentle With Those Around You
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all things” (Bukhari).
Gentleness is a profound source of strength, a truth my uncle embodied during the most challenging times in our lives. When my father lost the ability to walk and was battling a terminal illness, my uncle became our source of hope and comfort. His support was wrapped in gentleness and never wavered, offering us companionship through long, lonely nights at the hospital, where hope seemed distant. My uncle stood by my father’s side through it all, offering not just support but the gentle reassurance that we were not alone. His presence was a lifeline, his actions quietly speaking of a strength that far surpassed grand gestures or words.
During my uncle’s most difficult moments, my father too, sat by his younger brother’s side, holding his hand from his wheelchair until his final breath, often saying he would give his life for him. This bond between them was more than brotherhood, it was a living testament to the power of love, patience and kindness. My uncle’s gentleness carried us all through that storm, reminding us of Monty Roberts’ words, “the greatest strength a man can achieve is gentleness.” Even the smallest acts of gentleness are never wasted, they have the power to uplift and heal.
This understanding of strength through gentleness resonates deeply with the teachings of Islam. One of the beautiful names of Allah (swt) is Al-Latif (The Most Gentle). The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us that Allah (swt) is gentle and loves those who are gentle. A reminder that this quality is not only virtuous but divine. Allah (swt) commands us in the Quran to show humility and mercy, especially to those who raised us, underscoring the importance of kindness and gentleness in all our relationships.
Reflecting on my uncle’s example, particularly during the time he cared for my father, I learned the importance of being patient and gentle in moments of pain and difficulty. He showed us that true strength lies in gentleness. This quality is not merely an act of compassion, it is a powerful source of resilience and support. His example has taught me that gentleness is not a sign of weakness, it is the very thing that sustains us through life’s most difficult moments.
Lesson 3: Share Your Love Unconditionally
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their families” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
As children, we experienced firsthand how committed my uncle was to treating everyone equally, ensuring that each of us felt cherished and valued. For him, love was never about material gifts or grand displays, but about making sure that every member of the family felt included and respected. I remember how whenever my uncle bought gifts for his children, he always made sure to buy the same for us. It wasn’t about the gifts themselves, it was about the message behind them, that we all mattered. This sense of equality, of making sure no one ever felt left out, was how my uncle showed love.
As the saying goes, “Families are like branches on a tree; we may grow in different directions, but our roots remain as one.” This perfectly captures my uncle’s approach to family. He didn’t treat us equally just because it was fair, he did so because he understood that true love is about honouring each person for who they are. Like branches on a tree, we all had our own paths, but my uncle ensured that no matter how different we were, we remained connected, valued, and deeply rooted in the same love. His ability to make everyone feel included created a family where we always knew we belonged, where love was the unbreakable bond that united us all.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us to be the best to our families, a reminder that the true mark of a good person is shown through how you treat those closest to you. Through his life, my uncle taught us a powerful lesson, he showed us that the greatest gift we can give is to make others feel valued and included. His commitment to this belief created a family where love was not conditional, but a force that united us all, allowing everyone to feel cherished and respected.
Lesson 4: Walk With Humility
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “Whoever is humble for the sake of Allah (swt), Allah will elevate him” (Muslim)
My uncle lived a life of quiet humility, never seeking attention or recognition but finding true joy in serving others. He taught us that fulfilment comes not from material wealth or accolades, but from selflessly giving to those around us. Whether it was his quiet presence at community events or his warm, genuine interactions, he exemplified the profound value of humility in every aspect of life. His approach to life echoed the insight of Mahatma Gandhi, who said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
My uncle was incredibly proud of his children helping and serving others. At community and charity events organised by his children, he would sit quietly in a corner, content to observe and enjoy the moment. He never wanted to be in the spotlight or to be seen as important; he simply wished to be ordinary. Yet, his warm smile and genuine engagement with others, especially to the younger staff members facilitating such events, left a lasting impact.
He loved spending time with his grandchildren. I can still picture his face, lit up with a smile that stretched from cheek to cheek whenever they were near, playing, laughing, and sharing their lives with him. They were his greatest source of joy, and it was clear that his love for them was pure and boundless. His happiness didn’t come from material wealth or personal achievements, but from the simple pride of seeing his family serve others with humility and kindness. He taught us that true fulfilment lies not in what we have, but in how we give. His lighthearted nature and humility spoke louder than any grand gesture ever could.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught us humility is a virtuous quality and the Qur’an describes the servants of the Most Merciful as those who walk the earth with ease and humility. My uncle embodied these teachings, showing us that true joy and honour come from serving others without seeking recognition. His life was a reminder that the greatest rewards are found in the simple, profound act of giving with a humble heart. Through his example, we learned that a life of quiet service is the path to true fulfilment, and that walking the earth with grace and humility is the key to lasting happiness.
Lesson 5: Spread Joy By Feeding Others
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “He is not a believer whose stomach is filled while his neighbour goes hungry” (Ibn Majah).
My uncle’s deep love for feeding others was a testament to the joy and fulfilment that comes from selfless generosity. He consistently prepared meals for those close to him and the needy, ensuring that everyone around him was cared for, and in doing so, he instilled in us the profound satisfaction of giving. His actions reflected the Prophetic teaching of feeding those in need and our neighbours. Through his life, my uncle demonstrated that true richness and the essence of life are found not in what we receive, but in what we give. He showed us that the joy of giving and feeding others is a reflection of the deepest human values, enriching our lives by nourishing both the bodies and souls of those around us.
This legacy of generosity is beautifully reflected in his children, who have inherited his deep love for feeding others. I often received calls from my uncle, asking where I was, knowing he wanted to send food to my father and my family, as well as to others in the community. For years, he lovingly helped to prepare hot meals for the Community Curry Kitchen, an initiative dedicated to feeding the homeless and needy in our town every week. His legacy of feeding others continues through his children, who carry forward his spirit of giving.
My uncle exemplified the true essence of life, showing that our greatest fulfilment comes not from what we receive but from the compassion and generosity we extend to others. Through his actions, he taught us that the heart of a meaningful life is found in the act of caring for and uplifting those in need, demonstrating that the most profound joy comes from selflessly enriching the lives of others. Sometimes it feels like he left us too soon, but I find comfort in knowing that he left us at the exact moment and the way Allah (swt) had divinely written. His life of service to his family and community has made me realise that it’s not the years in your life that matter, it’s the life in those years.
Lesson 6: Live With Empathy
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “The example of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body. When any limb aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness and fever” (Bukhari).
This profound teaching encapsulates the way my uncle lived, with deep compassion that extended to everyone around him. He wasn’t just there in moments of joy; he was present in the hardest times, offering solace to grieving families and providing support. His dedication to performing ghusl (ritual washing) at his local Mosque for those who had passed was more than a duty, it was an act of empathy, a testament to his belief that true compassion isn’t just feeling for others but actively sharing in their burdens. Through his quiet yet powerful actions, my uncle showed us that supporting others through their darkest moments is one of the deepest expressions of love and humanity.
In moments of loss, my uncle didn’t just give his time, he gave his heart. He understood that compassion is not passive; it’s an act of service, a bridge to comfort those who need it most. His life reflected the Islamic teaching that believers are interconnected like a single body, and when one part is in pain, the entire body feels the impact. He offered strength when others felt their weakest, showing us that true compassion is being there when it truly matters, when words are scarce but presence is everything.
The lesson my uncle imparted is clear: compassion finds its greatest expression in action. It’s easy to say we care, but it’s in our willingness to walk alongside others in their suffering that our empathy becomes real. His life reminds us that the heart of empathy lies in our ability to offer comfort and ease the suffering of those around us, particularly in times of grief. His legacy teaches us that compassion, expressed through genuine acts of kindness and service, is the most powerful bond we share as humans, it connects us in our shared experience of both love and loss, reminding us that we are never truly alone.
Lesson 7: Do Small Acts Of Kindness
“Whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it” (Qur’an 99:7)
His life reflected this Qur’anic promise. The countless messages the family received from the community about my uncle’s small acts of kindness and good character are a powerful testament to the life he lived. His legacy wasn’t defined by wealth or accolades, but by the positive impact he had on the lives of others. It reminds me of Albert Paine’s words, “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”
My uncle understood that true fulfilment comes from serving others. Through every small act of goodness, whether offering a helping hand or a comforting word, my uncle demonstrated that the measure of a person lies not in grand gestures, but in the consistent care they show to others. His legacy is woven into the lives of those he touched, reminding us that even the smallest actions, when done with sincerity, have the power to echo far beyond our lifetimes. This ripple effect of his kindness continues to inspire, teaching us that the simplest acts of compassion can shape the world around us.
My uncle’s life teaches us that the most meaningful legacy is not found in material success, but in the positive impact we leave on the hearts of others. Robert Louis Stevenson wisely said, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant,” and my uncle’s life embodied this truth. The good he did for his family, friends, and community will outlast his time on earth, standing as a witness when it truly matters. His service reminds us that kindness is lasting, carried forward in the lives of those who received it. In this way, he showed that the true essence of life lies in what we give, and through his example, we are reminded that our greatest purpose is found in lifting others up, ensuring that the love and kindness we share continue to grow long after we are gone.
Lesson 8: Put Your Trust In God
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH), said, “Wondrous is the affair of a believer, as there is good for him in every matter; this is not the case for anyone but a believer. If he experiences pleasure, he thanks Allah and it is good for him. If he experiences harm, he shows patience and it is good for him.” (Muslim)
Max Lucado said, “faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.” My uncle’s final moments personify this truth with grace. His acceptance of Allah’s (swt) divine decree while unwell in hospital, reflected a deep faith that rested not in controlling outcomes but in trusting that Allah’s (swt) wisdom is always just. His peaceful surrender was a living example of the Prophet’s (PBUH) words in being patient in the face of difficulty. This powerful acceptance is echoed in the Qur’an’s reminder that nothing befalls us except what Allah (swt) has decreed for us. Through his faith, my uncle taught us that real strength lies in trusting the divine plan, knowing that contentment and peace come from surrendering to a wisdom far greater than our own.
His ability to find peace in Allah’s (swt) will, serves as a reflection of Islamic teachings on patience and perseverance. My uncle’s serene embrace of hardship, especially in his final moments, showed us that the trials we face in life are not meant to break us but to bring us closer to Allah (swt).
In the face of adversity, my uncle’s faith became a profound source of strength and inspiration for everyone who knew him. Even in his final moments, before losing consciousness, he reaffirmed his testimony of faith to his son, declaring that there is only one God worthy of worship and that Muhammad (PBUH) is His Messenger. To another family member he expressed he wasn’t upset with his situation and that everything was Allah’s will. His peaceful demeanour reflected a soul that understood the power of surrendering to Allah’s (swt) will. He reminded us that, even in our darkest moments, true peace comes from the belief that life unfolds according to a divine plan. Through his example, we are encouraged to embrace life’s uncertainties with patience and faith, knowing that trusting in Allah’s (swt) higher purpose brings a serenity and reward that will transcend beyond the trials of this world.
Lesson 9: You will be with those you love
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH), “It will be said to children on the Day of Resurrection: Enter Paradise! They will say: Our Lord, not unless our fathers and mothers enter! Allah Almighty will say: Why do I see them hesitant? Enter Paradise! They will say: O Lord, our fathers and mothers! Allah will say: Enter Paradise, all of you with your parents!” (Aḥmad)
My uncle’s life was a beautiful reflection of the truth that love transcends the boundaries of this world. As the poet Kahlil Gibran said, “Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” In the moments following his passing, the profound depth of the love we shared became all the more apparent, revealing how it continues to thrive even in his absence. The saying, “Love knows no boundaries” perfectly encapsulates his legacy. While physical separation is inevitable, my uncle’s life taught us that the bonds of love are eternal, carrying forward beyond this life into the Hereafter. He instilled in us the hope that love’s true nature is not bound by time or space, but continues to grow, offering a deep sense of peace and comfort.
Even now, it feels like he’s simply gone back to Bangladesh and that one day, he’ll walk through the door again, full of stories to share with my father. He loved his time in his beloved motherland. The simple joys of walking through our ancestral village, breathing in the fresh air from the land we’ve cultivated for generations, bartering with the market vendors over fresh produce and the largest fish and spending precious time with family and lifelong friends gave him such fulfilment. Each time he returned, he seemed almost 20 years younger, revitalised by the deep connections he nurtured with the people he loved and the land that had always been home.
Yet now, we are left with the reality that he will not walk through the door in this life again.
But our faith teaches us something even more profound, the soul never dies. My uncle’s faith in the Hereafter taught us to trust in Allah’s (swt) mercy and hold onto the hope that we will one day be reunited with those we love. Allah (swt) words in Qur’an so beautifully reassure us,“As for those who believe and whose descendants follow them in faith, We will elevate their descendants to their rank, never discounting anything of the reward of their deeds. Every person will reap only what they sowed.” (52:21).
The key lesson my uncle left us is that true love, rooted in faith, transcends the temporary separations of this world. Even in times of grief, we can find solace in knowing that the love we shared continues to exist, guiding us through the pain and reminding us of the joyous reunion awaiting us in the Hereafter. His life teaches us that love’s enduring power is its ability to offer hope, peace, and the certainty that through Allah’s (swt) mercy, we will be reunited with those we hold dearest. In this way, love becomes an eternal connection, offering not just memories, but the promise of togetherness that knows no end.
Moving Forward With My Uncle
“Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers the Day the account is established” (Qur’an 14:41).
My dear uncle returned to his Creator on Saturday, 17th August, just before the blessed time of Zuhr (1pm). Surrounded by the love and prayers of his family, he left this world peacefully. The next day, after Zuhr prayer, we laid him to rest. His children and nephews carried out all his funeral rites with care and devotion, just as he would have wished. He was a man of action, never one to delay or wait, always preferring to get things done with purpose and without fuss. We honoured him in the same way, ensuring his departure from this world was as dignified as the life he lived.
Grief is not a linear process, it ebbs and flows and it takes time. In every corner of our lives, we feel the weight of his absence – the places where he laughed, worked and walked are now filled with emptiness. Yet, amid our grief, we find comfort in knowing that he is enveloped in Allah’s (swt) infinite mercy. We imagine his grave to be vast and fragrant, with a window to Paradise, and his soul resting in peace, free from the struggles of this world. This is the hope that softens our sorrow, knowing he is in a better place.
To my dear brothers and sisters who have experienced the loss of a beloved father, this message is for you. Remember that the soul never dies, and neither does the love we hold for those who have left this world. Our love transcends time and space, and God willing, you will be reunited with your father in the hereafter. Hold onto this truth and let it fill your heart with patience and peace. You are his living legacy, and every good action you undertake increases his reward in the hereafter. Let his memory inspire you to live righteously, guiding your steps toward goodness and service to others.“To live in the hearts we leave behind is not is not to die,” wrote the poet Thomas Campbell.
If you are blessed to still have your parents with you, cherish every moment. Be present in their lives, serve them with love and humility, and let them feel the warmth of your affection. Time is fleeting, and the opportunities to show love and care may pass before we realise it. Hug them, kiss their foreheads, and lift their spirits with your kindness. These simple acts of love will remain with you, and more importantly, they will be a source of peace for your parents in this world and the next.
Take comfort in the immense power of prayer and forgiveness. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Verily, Allah (swt) Almighty will raise the status of His righteous servants in Paradise, and they will say: O Lord, what is this? Allah (swt) will say: This is your child seeking forgiveness for you.” (Musnad Aḥmad). By seeking forgiveness for your parents, you contribute to the elevation of their rank in the sight of their Lord. Now, imagine the soul receiving these glad tidings is your parent, and the one praying for forgiveness is you. What an amazing blessing it is that a soul can ascend and rise in Paradise through the prayers of their children. Let us make it a regular habit to pray for their forgiveness, recognising the great gift it brings to our parents.
In his final moments, my uncle’s face carried a gentle smile and peaceful glow. It was as though he had found a quiet joy within him, leaving us with a sense of serenity, Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God). While he was in a coma, I whispered the Fajr Adzaan (call to prayer) to him every day, praying he would awaken. Now, I pray that just as he responded to the Adzaan in this life, he will awaken to it in the hereafter, greeted by the angels and the divine mercy of Allah (swt).
Reflecting on my mother tongue, Bengali, I find it deeply meaningful at this moment that there is no word for ‘goodbye’. The closest expression we have carries the comforting notion of, “I’ll see you again.” It’s as if, even in language, we are gently reminded that parting is never forever – that no matter the distance, there is always the hope of reuniting with those we love. This thought brings comfort in such moments of loss.
I humbly ask you to keep my beloved uncle and his children in your prayers. O Allah (swt), forgive my uncle, elevate his station among your righteous servants, make his grave spacious, fill it with your light, grant him Janatul Firdous and make his children and descendants from amongst the pious. Ameen.
Awlad Ali (Babul Miah), April 24th 1957 – August 17th 2024
Beloved father of Sharief Koyes, Shahid Koyes, Mostaque Koyes, Mitu Koyes,
Fatima Begum & Salima Ali.
